Thanatophobia

Once, in 6th grade, I was lying on my bed, engrossed in my own thoughts. First came the realization that I had actually received a B on my math test and had no idea how to break the news to my mom, who was sure to erupt in a whirlwind of insults. However, as I thought more about how to confront the situation, Death crawled into my mind and asked me, "What do you think happens when you're dead?".  Unable to understand the question, I stumbled over my thoughts. To the 6th grade me, death was a black hole that would kidnap me from the luxuries of life (food and games); death was the man with the scythe, the one that would deliver my punishment; death was the messenger that would bring me to a world where I could not feel, see, or hear. Death was terrifying. I frightened myself to the point where I laid motionless, fearing any sudden movement on the bed would bring in the wretched reaper. However, soon after I realized that if Death was to claim me, I needed to first inform my mother of my grades. Sprinting in a frenzy, I stumbled to her room and broke down in tears. To her, it seemed as though I was crying over a useless grade; to me, I was crying over the disillusionment of Life.

In the poem "Thanatopsis" by William Cullen Bryant, Death is portrayed as a universal equalizer, one that evens out the playing field once we're all in the ground. However, while we are alive, we are all unique and experience different situations. Death is inevitable, but the only way each we can view Death positively is if we live out our lives to the fullest. So why don't people understand such a simple statement?

As I was scrolling through Humans of New York, a picture of a grim woman caught my attention. Underneath the picture, HONY summarized her story: her father had been battling pulmonary fibrosis and was winning; however, the day he came home, he died. She had stated that "he never came to terms with [Death]" and felt "cheated by life". 

On the other hand, HONY had posted a picture of the deceased Banana George, who had set the world record as the oldest person to waterski barefoot at age 92.

"Banana George didn't even begin waterskiing until he was 40. But it soon became his passion. In the course of his career, he's broken his back 4 times. He's also broken his ankle, knee, and eleven ribs. Banana George waterskied until the last possible moment. I've seen footage of a very old George being pulled through the water in a wheelchair-on-skis, smiling like a madman."

Banana George is the testament to Bryant's claim. George embraced death by living up to 97 in the most extreme way possible. He felt accomplished enough to embrace the chilling unknown of death. However, the girl's father was only able to look at death in a pessimistic manner, unable to live out his days. Ultimately, the difference between our perspectives on death depend on how well we shape our lives. Those who live for the thrill of life are the ones who are truly able to come to terms with Death.

Even now, I still fear Death. How could I not? However, I have been inspired by the optimism Banana George exhibits for his own life. The only way I won't fear Death when my time comes is if I make this life the most interesting life possible: full of tears, joy, adventure, sorrow and love.